Almost but fortunetly I didn't.

This isn't me. I'm a happy person and I really don't want to feel depression. Because each time I do, the people around me gets affected.

Last week's really been hard for me. As in hard. Problems here and there. Mostly here at our house. You couldn't tell how sad I was inside and the people you could hang on to isn't there. Or too busy to be there or so... I was so moody. Little things I already get irritated. As much as I want to understand the situation, I always think that LIFE is unfair. What's happening to us has been the same for the past days, weeks, months and yes... years. But every time you hear people that "every thing will be okay" I just can't seem to believe them. Everything is unfair. I wasn't contented. Why can't we have this? Why are we like this? WHY?! Why...

I'm a YFC. An officer. Last week (July 18-22) we were planning for our Youth Camp for the weekend (July 23-24). As I worry about my concerns, I worry about the camp too. I was there already, about to QUIT. I really don't quit on anything.
I thought of it as a burden. As HELL. I forgot why I was doing this. I forgot my goal. I forgot the reasons.

And then the weekend came. Still worrying and bothered. I was given the task to do the talk about "HOW TO BE A FACILITATOR". Being a Faci is crucial on the Youth Camp because you're the one to listen to the participants worries, concerns and help them to be guided to HIM. As I give the talk, it was like God using me to talk to myself. Yes, I gave the talk with all the worries worrying me on my head. I just went on with the guidelines, tried to explain every thing well. As I realize to myself, "natatamaan na ako". I was being a hypocrite. And one thing that HE hates most is hypocrites...

If there is one thing that I learned from that weekend it's that PRAYERS are powerful. WORDS are powerful. WORDS of AFFIRMATION. After the camp, as I read the messages they gave to me, I didn't really believe that I can be that influence to others. I was looking down on myself that I didn't realize that I can help... That I was helping. That weekend gave me the strength to SMILE again, without hiding anything. That weekend gave me the answer to what I can give to people.

I AM HAPPY.

I AM BLESSED.

And you are too.


But I need help... We need prayers. I want to be strong, again. I know that I can fall ,be weak, slip and try to let go again. I don't know what will happen the next days. I'm nervous. This is another chapter on my life and my family. So please be there. Please be with me. And I sure do appreciate it with my whole heart.

Like my Dad said "It's not always that we're here at the bottom. Remember the people helping you, and repay them when you have the chance."

I'm shy on asking things, but I'm not on giving back. And I promise you and I hope soon, I'll give back.

MONG